I’m fairly certain that when Times Review editor Aaron Orlando decided to assign me the task of Top Bloke speed dating the rest of the newsroom burst into fits of laughter. If you’ve ever heard my dating stories – among them the time I tried to out-maneuver a cab driver upon discovering my Internet date forgot to put in his dentures – you’ve probably had to stop reading this because you’re laughing too much. Stop laughing! This is serious business. OK, not really. It was a good bit of fun. In case you weren’t at the Last Drop on Friday night, here’s a glimpse of how my speed dates went.
MJ: Have you ever faked an accent on the ski hill to try and pick up?
Steve: Yeah, of course, every one does it. If you wanna look really bad ass you’ve got to pretend you’re an Aussie. You say (in a fake Australian accent now) ‘Hey, how are you today?’
MJ: Does it ever work?
Steve: No, it never does.
MJ: What’s the most famous Revelstoke location you’ve ever picked your nose?
Anthony: Uh, no comment
MJ: Well, if you were going to pick your nose at a famous Revelstoke location where would it be?
Anthony: I’m not the gold digger type. I make my own money.
Fletch (I think I heard this bloke’s name is Chris, but his name tag says Fletch.)
MJ: There are some people who describe men as dogs. What dog-like traits do you have?
Fletch: Why don’t I turn it around on you and ask why are women dogs?
(Yikes! Apparently my test subjects had a sense of humour. They thought this question was hilarious.
MJ: I’m being sarcastic. Dog like traits. Dogs can be affectionate, dogs can be loyal.
Fletch: Well … I think we go for more than we can handle, we go for the most attractive in the crowd.
MJ: Tell me a Revelstoke themed pick-up line.
Devin: I can’t think of one …. ‘Hi.’
MJ: What? No, a pick up line.
Devin: Hi. Honestly, it works every time.
MJ: Who do you think got more action, Major Rogers or Judge Begbie?
Dave: Who are they, television people?
(Sadly, Dave is not the only Revelstokian who has no idea who Major Rogers or Judge Begbie are.)
MJ: What romantic Revelstoke location would you take me on a date?
Ryan: I would take you to Mount Mackenzie, there’s a well-built snow hut and you can sit and look through the opening. Then we’d catch a limo to the local hot springs. Then we’d head back to Revy to the Aquatic Centre and do 10 laps on the slide.
(Ryan is so enthusiastic about this date that I don’t have the heart to tell him I don’t alpine ski.)
Jacob (last year’s winner)
MJ: What made you decide to take part in top bloke again?
Jacob: I just wanted to support Emma, and my buddies Steve and Ryan are taking part. It’s a good cause and it’s good fun.
(Jacob, apparently likes to play safe.)
MJ: Are you taking part in top bloke as a way to meet people?
Devon: Yes, I’ve been in town since Monday. I know three people in town.
MJ: Where are you from?
Devon: New Zealand.
(Well, Top Bloke probably beats online dating. Good luck, Devon.)
(By this point it’s fairly obvious that I’m writing down everything the blokes are saying. Plus Alex Cooper just took a photo of my last speed date).
Nick: Put your notebook away, c’mon don’t be a reporter put your notebook away.
(Nick tries to grab my notebook. Bad move, Nick.)
MJ: Besides Sharon Shook, what Revelstoke celebrity would you want to date?
Nick: What? Who’s Sharon Shook?
MJ: Never mind, what celebrity would you date?
Nick: I don’t know.
Speed dating was a little crazy, and if you know me well enough you’ll know I don’t know my left from my right. So the concept of going counter clockwise around the room was beyond me. Somehow in the mix I never got my 60 second date with Mark. I did however, manage to capture Mark attempting to pose for his mug shot.