Walmart in Revelstoke? Say it ain't so.

Top 10 rejected April Fools Day headlines

The Revelstoke Review isn't allowed to write its own April Fools Day article, but that doesn't stop us from thinking of ideas.

YOU WILL BELIEVE #8!!!

There used to be a grand tradition for newspapers to publish April Fools Day stories. These include a 1957 BBC story about a bumper Swiss spaghetti harvest, a 1992 story on NPR that said Richard Nixon was running for President again, and — my favourite — an article in New Mexicans for Science & Reason that the Alabama legislature voted to change the value of pi to exactly three. Many people wrote the legislature in protest.

Unfortunately, the powers-that-be at the Review‘s parent company Black Press won’t let us write April Fools Day stories any more. I guess there were a few too many confused readers and angry phone calls that they decided it wasn’t worth the headache.

However, they can’t stop me from publishing the headlines of the stories I wish I could write. Here’s my top 10, in no particular order.

1. Secret talks with Walmart reason for council’s Canadian Tire refusal

2. Red Bull buys RMR, renames it Red Bull Mountain Resort

3. Wrestler “Big Eddy” Johnson sues city over rights to Big Eddy name

4. Warm, dry winters here to stay, Environment Canada says

5. Amazing discovery shows Turtle Mountain an actual turtle

6. BC Hydro to turn spillway into waterslide

7. Mutant creature found in Columbia Gardens

8. Bruce Willis buys Mountain View Elementary

9. Big Eddy to mayor: Tear down this bridge!

10. Coming soon: Mount Revelstoke National Amusement Park

 

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