It is the time of year when my inner travel bug turns into a butterfly and I feel the need to get out in the world, to make plans, to go somewhere new and challenge myself.
As always, a Disney song explains how I am feeling.
Frozen 2 was released online in March, an early release to keep all of the children who were home from school entertained. And adults.
The feature song in the movie is Into The Unknown, written and composed by Kristen Anderson-Lopez.
It begins with the main character being awoken in the night to mysterious singing.
“I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new, I’m afraid of what I’m risking if I follow you, into the unknown,” sings Idina Menzel, who plays Elsa, in response.
It is a familiar dilemma— that feeling of not entirely belonging, of something more being out there and yet the anchor of the familiar and fear of the unknown holding you in place.
Every time I think about my future I grapple with this, but with the pandemic it is even worse. Normally when I am deciding whether or not to accept a new job in a new place, I have a weekend of stress where I change my mind 10 times and don’t sleep much.
In those moments, whatever I decide will change my world and my future.
I try to look ahead, to anticipate what path I want to continue on.
Now, as I sit at home trying to decide what to do with the extra 16 hours I have a week that were dedicated to working pre-pandemic, I have those same anxieties, but amplified.
When I decided to move to Revelstoke I was scared.
I knew that it would take time to adjust, to make new friends, to understand the community and while I was adjusting I knew there would be moments of misery.
But I chose to come anyway. I had control of my life and though I can’t force people to be my friends or share their stories with me, I trust that if I remain genuine and caring, I will succeed.
That is the difference.
Into the unknown is a song of both fear and hope, which is something I hope we are all feeling right now. But it is also a song about choice.
For me that is the hardest part right now. I am worried about my future career, I am lonely, I am angry and I didn’t choose any of it. The situation is completely beyond my control. I have to trust that someone else making choices that will eventually make my life better again.
All I can do is social distance, wash my hands and stay in Revelstoke.
All I can do is talk to my friends and family over the phone and pretend that is enough.
All I can do is hope that the tiny choices I am making are making a difference, that somewhere out there those making the big choices are getting it right, for all of us.
“Where are you going? Don’t leave me alone. How do I follow you into the unknown?” the song concludes.
The answer remains to be entirely seen.