Michelle Schiewe
Special to Review
Another is the Revy Let’s Talk series of first-hand accounts of dealing with mental health issues.
I was once depressed with suicidal thoughts.
Yup, I was not a happy camper. I went through hell and I am sincerely grateful for the experience. I would like to tell you why.
It was a “perfect storm”, the right amount of self-loathing, my father’s death and a failing marriage. I was overwhelmed and knew I was in trouble emotionally. I reached out to my husband and friends; no one could help.
I felt alone, I was afraid and I felt unloved.
This is my personal story of how I fought my way back to health and well-being.
What I am about to share is my personal experience and by no means is this the only way to get back to health. Talk with your doctor to find what would work best for you. If you are in a crisis, reach out and don’t stop asking until you find the help you need. Call a 24/7 number like 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433).
That is what I did and it helped me in my time of need. I was not getting the help I desperately needed from friends and family—not because they did not love me but because they did not understand. They did not know what to do or say or they simply misunderstood the urgency. I got the pros to help and I am so grateful I did that.
The crisis passed, but I then felt buried in a deep black pit of tar. Every movement, every imagined claw to get out of this tar pit was exhausting and felt hopeless. The emotional pain was manifesting as physical pain. But I was still here.
The catalyst for change occurred when my husband took me to the emergency department of the hospital. The doctor on staff was amazing, gentle, kind and supportive. I got a quick meeting with a mental health counsellor that same day and started my journey back to health.
After a few sessions with the counsellor at the hospital (I was only able to have three or four sessions), I found a counsellor at Community Connections and started seeing her every week.
I also used other tools like acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine. I re-established my spiritual connection and I decided to leave my unhealthy relationships.
My proactive approach to my healing led me to read books and watch videos. I reprogrammed my brain from having an unhealthy relationship with myself to starting to believe in myself again. Over time, and with much patience and consistency, I can now say in all sincerity I am proud of myself. I love myself. And I know my self-worth.
I continue to evolve on an emotional, physical and spiritual level. I never strive for perfection and I still have bad moments but now I have the tools to get myself through those tough situation’s life likes to throw our way.
This is why I am grateful for my experience with depression. I walked through hell to get to the other side and let me tell you the views are stunning and it was worth every step towards health.
I am not an expert in any given field.I am only sharing what I did to get myself into the best mental health I have ever been in my life and I implore you to seek professional help to get you where you need to go.
Like Dr. Brene Brown has said, “Research has shown that in order to even get curious you must have a little bit of data about the subject.”
Please don’t wait for a crisis to happen. Develop a strong, loving and supportive relationship with yourself. There is help, there is support, there is hope.
Each of the stories shared through these articles is one person’s perspective to remind others they are not alone.
The information presented is not endorsed by the CYMHSU as evidence-based or the best course of action. Please talk to your doctor or a trusted professional if you are struggling.